On Thursday, the second season of AHS' anthology offshoot premiered, moving viewers to 1961 Mississippi, where a wealthy toymaker (Denis O'Hare as Mr. Van Wirth) is looking for a new mother for his son Otis.
But the story is not as sweet as it sounds. For starters, Otis is only motherless as Mr. Van Wirth caught his wife in bed with another man - a sin that threw them both naked in a deep well.
And the process of selecting a new mother is even more terrifying: Mr. Van Wirth kidnaps innocent women, turns them into living dolls, then forces them to compete in "pageants". Reluctant contestants are tested on everything from place setting to shirt folding, and whoever gets the lowest score gets a one-way trip to the well above.
It's enough to drive you crazy—and it attempts to murder newcomer Kobi (The First Lady's Christine Froseth) with one of the dolls, who does Otis a favor by performing her magic tricks. Kobi persuades her fellow doll to run away, but because she is the only one who makes sure Otis is safe too, her life is saved. And after shooting and killing others in the woods, Kobe is declared the "winner" of the contest, earning the oh-so coveted title of Otis' new mother.
But the real kicker comes in the final few minutes of the episode. A pair of women - witches, as it turned out - infiltrate the dollhouse after sensing Kobi spells. After freeing Koby from his plastic prison, they burn Mr. Van Wirt and his henchmen alive, taking Koby and Otis somewhere safe.
That "somewhere" happens to be Miss Robichoux Academy of Extraordinary Young Women, the same institution that served as the setting for American Horror Story: Coven and Apocalypse. In addition, Otis is told that it is safe to go by his middle name, Spalding, at which point it becomes clear that he is a shortened version of O'Hare's Covenant character.
An additional treat then comes in the form of a young, spectacle-covered redhead - a girl who introduces herself as Myrtle Snow! "I plan on running this place someday," she says. (Oh, girl, if only you knew what's coming.)